What do you say to your kids when you need to leave for work and they are crying?
I can recall when Olivia was younger, she would cry so hard when I'd leave for work or a date with my husband. All I wanted to do was cancel my life and let her sit on my lap day in and day out. We did everything transitional objects, bridging, art, music all she wanted was her mom. Now my good friend is facing the same issue, I am wondering what do you do or say to help your kids manage the perceived loss? Advice appreciated.
Tags: advice, kids, moms, mother, myworkbutterfly.com, parenting, stress, tears, working
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Bradi Nathan on -
I promise them that we will do something special when I get back. This way they have so much to look forward to!
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Permalink Reply by Marcia Cooley on -
I would say mommy will be back shortly and that the babysitter is going to take very good care of you and give the child his/her favorite toy and sit her down and have them to take the child in another room so that i could ease off.
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Permalink Reply by Terry Starr on -
I used to have this issue all the time with my daughter...it was so hard to leave. But I always knew she would stop crying not long after I would leave. I can't say it was right or whether anyone would necessarily agree with my point of view, but I tried to shift the attention off of me leaving. Befor I would leave, I would always say, I'll see you soon, give her a kiss and my nanny used to say, "ok, what are we going to do today." So I generally would have the Nanny focus her attention to the next "activity", instead of concentrating on the fact that I had to go to work.
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Permalink Reply by Lynne Kenney, PsyD on -
Thank you for your comments! Terry we did as you suggested and made her a basket that signified the activities she can do with mommy, when mommy gets home from work. Now when she is sad, that is where the nanny takes her, it's visual for her. Thank you! Lynne
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy Stahlnecker on
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I'm 63 anad can still feel my son's arms around my legs begging me not to leave for work my heart and soul broken. I'd do much the same and promise we'd do something special when I returned from work and honestly to this moment there is no easy words or deeds that really help, we just get through it like every mom who has to work today. Therefore when I'm with them and home I tried to focus on their needs and life was really never easy.
This is a great topic and I'm going to write about it on my blog..thanks for the memories I think.
Hugs
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
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Permalink Reply by Danielle Monaro on -
I think we all go thorough this! My 4 year old Spencer gets upset even when I drop him off at his friend Daniel's house. Forget about when my husband drops him at pre-school! I think its the seperation anxiety that they go through. Spencer tells me, "Mommy, I want to go everywhere you go" and my heart melts! Usually I have to wait with him a bit until he is comfortable and then he will let me leave. I usually have to tell him how much I love him and that I will be home soon! Its not easy!!!!!
Danielle Monaro
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Permalink Reply by Susan Burg on
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I velcrowed a clock and I put little RED DOTS on the clock to show when I would be back. I told her to look at the clock and when the black hands reached the red dots I would be back. I would give myself a little leway. If I said 3:00 I would mark 3:30 just in case. That worked and destressed her seperation anxioty.
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Permalink Reply by Katie Egloff on -
As an in home day care provider I have run into alot of children with seperation anxiety. Sometimes it is because of the child but sometimes it is because of the parent's. I had one mom stand at the door for "just one more hug" 10 times, for 20 minutes. The child gets confused. When the mom would finally leave, the child would cry (he would actually cry longer, the long mom hung around) but I was able to calm him down and he was playing and having a great time in no time. I think the trick is to show confindence in the person you are leaving to care for your child. If you are a stay at home going out on a date tell them a few days before the date, two days, one day, the morning of etc. Put together a "Mommy's gone" bag with special games that your child can only do while you are away. Tell them a quick good bye and tell them you will return and leave. It is harder on you than it is them.
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Permalink Reply by Catina Schmidt on
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My husband and I recently went through this with our boys. We have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. My husband was self-employed and worked from home and I stay at home with our boys until recently. Due to our current recession my husband and I returned to work, he went back into the private sector after owning and running his own company and i returned back to the finance industry as an Executive Assistant.
Our eldest son would cry every morning when I would drop him off at the sitter's house. He would tell me he didn't want to stay at "Debbie's house!" (The name of our sitter). To help him understand I purchased the book, "What to Expect When the Babysitter comes to visit." The book was helpful in introducing my son to the idea of childcare and a babysitter. I also began talking to him about why mommy and daddy go to work each night and day, "I told him mommy works hard to provide a better life for he and his brother," I also would tell him, "that everyone works and that mommy loves them so much that she wants them to be proud of her. I began to incorporate our daily routines and activites around working. I would tell them that we all have to go to bed to go to the sitter's house and mommy and daddy have to work. Quality time is very, very important to our family. Every minute together I try and create a joyful environment. Foregoing a perfectly clean home, dinner time is mandatory in our home.
My mother worked as a single mother and that is all I know. I was proud of my mom and this instilled a strong work ethic in my brother and myself from the very beginning. I remember being dropped off at my grandmother's house everyday. We would spend the day with grandma and in the evenings mommy would come and get us.
Tell your friend to talk consistently with her child. Tell her to explain to her child why she works. They are so smart and resilient. I am sure that her child will soon develop a routine, as we have and will adjust to their new lifestyle.
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Permalink Reply by Ana C Loukopoulos on -
I always reassured them that I was going to come back, I think they cry because they think you are not coming back they have no concept of time, so if you explain to them that you will only be there for a few hours and will be right back I think they will start to understand your routine. It worked with mine. :)
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Permalink Reply by tyra robertson on
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i tell my 5-year-old im gonna take her to the mall if she stays behaved all day.. i keep to that promise so she'll believe whatever im saying
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