Divorce reform for families

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Susan Burg on May 28, 2011 at 12:46pm

Were you a child of divorce? You certainly hold that torch high. As I said before, it's all in how you handle it. You have to talk to your child and let them know whats going on. I was a child of divorce and so was my daughter. There are some things you can't fix in a marriage. It's true people need to communicate better, but so often after a couple gets married they want the romance to keep going and don't realize that everyday life together can make the romance go out the window. It's different when you wake up together every morning. People need to get counseling before they get married. The Catholic church requires that people get counseling. Some of those couples realize that they don't belong together and they split. Some are in it for the long haul. By the way, who's going to pay for all these things you have planned?

Permalink Reply by Beverly Willett on May 28, 2011 at 1:16pm

No, I am not a child of divorce, but have heard from many of them and their anguishing tales. Plus, my children and the children of many people I know are children of divorce.  Have you read "Between Two Worlds" by Elizabeth Marquardt? I recommend it highly. Not all marriages are fixable, but many are, including many of those that end up in divorce.  As for the effect on children, it's not all in how you handle it. That's the myth that was circulated in the 60's and 70's when there was no research about this area in order to get people on the no-fault bandwagon. It has turned out for the most part to be a myth.  Yet people keep advocating it as truth in all cases.  Marriages go through  ups and downs and research shows, too, that those willing to get help and ride out storms can successful mend their marriages.  Our culture is too me-centered.  As for who is going to pay?  Do you have any idea that billions of taxpayer dollars get spent now on the fallout from divorce? If more marriages were repaired this would save us taxpayers billions a year! This is in addition to the millions couples spend throwing money at the divorce machinery -- the courts, lawyers, social workers, therapists, law guardians, etc etc and having to have two of everything for two households! These divorce reduction education classes will cost couples a minimal fee and have provision for those who have extreme financial needs. This is a win-win in all areas. 

Permalink Reply by Susan Burg on June 1, 2011 at 3:48am

The myth that was circulated in the 60's and 70's is still true. there are plenty of kids out there whos parents handled their break up in a responsible way. Keeping thier children first and foremost. You should not even have children if your world is "me" centeres. You do more damage by living in that world with your kids. They become "me" children. Children, as well as, marraige is a growing experience. You cannot be "me" centered. I have been with a man for 7 years and our relationship is give and take. We both have other children from other relationships and they get along fine. They have been raised responsibly and they were put first and the concern was on them as they were growing up. You cannot discount the old ways of doing things because they can be the best way. People should get counseling BEFORE they get married AND before they have kids.

Permalink Reply by Beverly Willett on August 7, 2011 at 10:14am

Hi Susan,

 

You can't state that the myth from the 60/70s is stil true based just on your own personal experience nor can you know if you haven't read the research and know the facts as they apply to the majority of families.  They are contrary to what you state. Elizabeth Marquardt's book, which is research-based, demonstrates that what you say is not the case -- it is NOT the way parents handle the breakup that counts. It is the breakup itself. Many problems with children also do not show themselves until they are  adults, nor do they share with their parents everything they are feeling inside. I'm not trying to upset you. In your case, what's done is done but perpetuating the myth can help other people continue to buy into it when the facts prove otherwise.  ANd that's not wise.  I do agree with you about our "me" centered society, but that is exactly what I believe accounts for many divorces in the first place.  I also agree with you that people need to take marriage more seroiusly before they step into it and also before they have children.