10 Years and Counting.....

Egads! I just took a look at my page and see that I've not really posted anything since April. Life kind of took a turn for the worse then.

Amazingly, today is my 10 year anniversary and my husband and I are just coming out of a really tough spot. In fact, we were on the brink of divorce-actually I was leaving. They say that around 10 years couples go through a sort of renegotiation. That was certainly true in our case! I had had it with me doing everything home and kid related and him working to "bring home the bacon." I know that he works hard and travel is hard but I felt abandoned and I had had it. about 6 months and several blow outs later, we are slowly working things out.

Still working on my business Mamas on Bedrest & Beyond. Have really become engrossed in the political aspects of maternity leave and am working with several other groups to raise awareness about how the US lacks all other countries in paid maternity leave and what it is doing to working women across America.

To that end, I am working to raise funds for a non-profit organization called Better Bedrest, www.betterbedrest.org, which provides microgrants to women on bed rest in financial distress. For details visit www.mamasonbedrest.com/shop/dvd-fundraiser.

Other than that, I am writing, blogging and working to support women on prescribed bed rest. Need to increase my revenue and now that I have most things in place, that is my next step.

To the next 10 years!

Tags: &, Bed, Bedrest, Better, Beyond, Mamas, Rest, anniversary, on, relationships

0 members like this

Comment

You need to be a member of Working Mother's Social Network | MyWorkButterfly to add comments!

Join Working Mother's Social Network | MyWorkButterfly

Comment by Dawn P on October 13, 2010 at 6:39pm: Good luck in all your goals.

Dawn

Comment by Darline Turner-lee on October 12, 2010 at 2:53pm: Hi Ugochi,
Thanks so much for your comments and so great to hear from a sister in Nigeria! I have to say, it would be so welcome to get even 3 months off paid. We get nothing. So Kudos to Nigeria!

You are so right about the "general feeling" that folks are doing us a favor by giving us time to be with our babies. What greatly concerns me is that our society in general is eroding and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are so consumed with making money and getting ahead. Here in the US we give a lot of "lip service" to how much we care for moms and babies, but when it really comes down to making policy changes, everyone scoffs. It's truly maddening. Now all the problems are blamed on "moms working outside the home." Well what choice do we have? We just can't win.

But a few other moms and I are really looking to see how we can help make change come about. Gone are the days when a man "brought home the bacon" to an "adoring wife who was waiting with a smile with his slippers, a hot meal, clean house, well behaved kids and ready to give him all the pleasure he can stand!" We women work hard and many of us are bringing home that bacon!(at least here in the US!) That being said, we don't have time (nor the desire) to cater to a man's every whim. I am so with you in that I am tired of the expectation that I will handle anything and everything pertaining to the home and children-regardless if I work full time or not. Times have changed and it's time that the labor laws change as well.

Please keep me up on your coming's and goings and how things shape up in Nigeria. I love seeing what other women are able to accomplish and are doing in other areas of the world. It also gives us here in the US ideas on how to make changes.

Be well!!
Darline

Comment by Ugochi Nwanze on October 12, 2010 at 9:11am: way to go Darlene.

It's no better here in Nigeria for working moms. As a banker, you get 3 months paid maternity leave (this differs across the industry types) & when you get back to work, you get to either resume by 8a.m to close by 3p.m or resume by 9a.m to close by 4p.m, for the next 3 months.

So working mothers heavily rely on the extended family structure, stay-at-home nannies (as in my case) & day cares (a last option often times).

It's not out there in the open but there is the general feeling (especially with the menfolk) that they are doing us a favor by giving us "all that time" to be with our babies! It's so annoying.

Moms really do need all the help they can get.

P.S: All the best as you work things out with your dh.

Comment by Darline Turner-lee on October 11, 2010 at 5:12pm: Hi Stephanie,
What you describe is exactly what I am talking about. There was a time when women weren't in the workforce very much, so issues of maternity leave were essentially moot points. But now, women make up approximately 52% of the work force and many working women are the principle wage earners. We have to adjust our labor laws to reflect our changing labor force. It can be done, but we Americans will have to decide which is more important-making a lot of money as individuals or collectively caring for the citizens of our nation. That really is what it boils down to. The current political climate is really a pull between these two poles-Those who want no input from the government and "every (wo)man for himself" and those who feel a responsibility to see that everyone has at least the basics to survive.

I don't know how far I'll get on this trek, but I'm giving it what I can. Thanks for posting!!
Darline

Comment by Stephanie Williams on October 9, 2010 at 9:17am: Wonderful post! I was able to identify with everything you shared. I was on prescribed bedrest before the birth of my daughter and nearly lost my job which was the major income in our household at the time. Due to money problems, I really wasn't able to enjoy my time off with my daughter. I am back to work, but the treatment of mothers on maternity leave in the US is very disappointing to say the least. I also understand your struggle with feeling abandoned. Although my husband and I have a good marriage, he travels an awful lot and I don't have much support while he's gone. It is really draining with a demanding job and two young children. Good luck in your business!!! Mothers need all the help they can get!