A Caregiver’s Story
As Told by Butterfly’s Resident LMR Eldercare Contributor, Lisa Bayer
Lisa Bayer, J.D., CCM, Certified Geriatric Care Manager, is President of LMR Eldercare, LLC, a private elder care advocacy firm located in northern New Jersey.
October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month and in honor and support of those touched by the disease, contributors to Butterfly were asked to share personal stories. I thought about reaching out to my (several) friends who are survivors and asking them to share their challenges and triumphs. And then, I thought back to a more personal story, one that helped shape me to become the person I am today both personally and professionally.
This is a story of courage, compassion and survival.
I was in my early 20’s when my best friend’s mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. This was more than twenty years ago, before digital mammograms became the norm and Tamoxifen was invented. Lisa was an only child, in college, and her dad had recently been diagnosed with leukemia. Lisa’s mom had a lumpectomy and radiation and all was well for the next 15 years.
Fast-forward 15 years and Lisa’s mom is living in a nursing home and on hospice suffering from early onset Alzheimer’s disease. Her father passed away a couple years earlier not from leukemia but from throat and tongue cancer.
In 2003 the cancer came back. A visual lump was discovered at the site of the scar from the lumpectomy. Lisa was her mom’s health care proxy and so it was her responsibility to act and make health care decisions on her mom’s behalf.
I remember going with Lisa and her mom to the breast specialist. They knew by looking at the area that most likely the cancer that had come back. But, the only way to be sure was to do some tests. And then, assuming the test results were what was presumed, there was the question of treatment. Would Lisa’s mom have wanted surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, all of which would have required her being restrained to a bed and unable to verbalize feelings of pain or discomfort?
Lisa had to ask herself these questions. What would her mom have wanted? Her mom was an innovator. She was practical. Professionally she was a physical therapist and early in her career she worked with polio patients. She herself had volunteered to be a human “guinea pig” injecting herself with the polio vaccine years before it had been approved.
In speaking to Lisa about this article she shared that the decisions about what to do for her mom were never difficult. Lisa explained that she and her mom did not have “unfinished business.” She knew her mom was going to die if she did not insist on treatment, and possibly even if she did. She also knew what her mom would have wanted. She had the complete support from her extended family, hers and her mom’s friends, and all of her mom’s health care providers.
In 2005 Lisa’s mom passed away from breast cancer. Lisa said she knew cancer was the cause because her mom had not lost the swallowing reflex that is typically the last thing to go when someone dies from Alzheimer’s disease.
As I said earlier, this is a story of courage, compassion and survival. While many of our friends (including myself) were juggling the work/life balance with career, marriage and children, Lisa was a patient navigator, a caregiver and an unselfish wonderful woman who put her life on hold and did what she felt that she had to do.
And, I am happy to report that Lisa is happily married, successful in a career that she loves and a very proud step-mom for two amazing kids.
I asked Lisa if she would be willing to share her “lessons learned” for Butterfly’s readers. Acknowledging that it is natural to want to be alone, she explained that it is important to accept help when offered and to ask for help when needed. She said it is critical for caregivers to take care of themselves and to not feel “guilty” for doing so. Lastly, she wants us to appreciate the kind, compassionate and dedicated home care workers who provide the day –to- day hands on care for our loved ones when we are not available to do so.
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Lisa Bayer, J.D., CCM, Certified Geriatric Care Manager, is President of LMR Eldercare, LLC, a private elder care advocacy firm located in northern New Jersey.
October is National Breast Cancer Awareness month and in honor and support of those touched by the disease, contributors to Butterfly were asked to share personal stories. I thought about reaching out to my (several) friends who are survivors and asking them to share their challenges and triumphs. And then, I thought back to a more personal story, one that helped shape me to become the person I am today both personally and professionally.
This is a story of courage, compassion and survival.
I was in my early 20’s when my best friend’s mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. This was more than twenty years ago, before digital mammograms became the norm and Tamoxifen was invented. Lisa was an only child, in college, and her dad had recently been diagnosed with leukemia. Lisa’s mom had a lumpectomy and radiation and all was well for the next 15 years.
Fast-forward 15 years and Lisa’s mom is living in a nursing home and on hospice suffering from early onset Alzheimer’s disease. Her father passed away a couple years earlier not from leukemia but from throat and tongue cancer.
In 2003 the cancer came back. A visual lump was discovered at the site of the scar from the lumpectomy. Lisa was her mom’s health care proxy and so it was her responsibility to act and make health care decisions on her mom’s behalf.
I remember going with Lisa and her mom to the breast specialist. They knew by looking at the area that most likely the cancer that had come back. But, the only way to be sure was to do some tests. And then, assuming the test results were what was presumed, there was the question of treatment. Would Lisa’s mom have wanted surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, all of which would have required her being restrained to a bed and unable to verbalize feelings of pain or discomfort?
Lisa had to ask herself these questions. What would her mom have wanted? Her mom was an innovator. She was practical. Professionally she was a physical therapist and early in her career she worked with polio patients. She herself had volunteered to be a human “guinea pig” injecting herself with the polio vaccine years before it had been approved.
In speaking to Lisa about this article she shared that the decisions about what to do for her mom were never difficult. Lisa explained that she and her mom did not have “unfinished business.” She knew her mom was going to die if she did not insist on treatment, and possibly even if she did. She also knew what her mom would have wanted. She had the complete support from her extended family, hers and her mom’s friends, and all of her mom’s health care providers.
In 2005 Lisa’s mom passed away from breast cancer. Lisa said she knew cancer was the cause because her mom had not lost the swallowing reflex that is typically the last thing to go when someone dies from Alzheimer’s disease.
As I said earlier, this is a story of courage, compassion and survival. While many of our friends (including myself) were juggling the work/life balance with career, marriage and children, Lisa was a patient navigator, a caregiver and an unselfish wonderful woman who put her life on hold and did what she felt that she had to do.
And, I am happy to report that Lisa is happily married, successful in a career that she loves and a very proud step-mom for two amazing kids.
I asked Lisa if she would be willing to share her “lessons learned” for Butterfly’s readers. Acknowledging that it is natural to want to be alone, she explained that it is important to accept help when offered and to ask for help when needed. She said it is critical for caregivers to take care of themselves and to not feel “guilty” for doing so. Lastly, she wants us to appreciate the kind, compassionate and dedicated home care workers who provide the day –to- day hands on care for our loved ones when we are not available to do so.
LMR Elder Care
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Visit Lisa's Profile Page
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Tags: breast cancer, breast cancer awareness month, eldercare, lisa bayer, lmr eldercare, october, survivor
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