A Respectful Approach to Dealing with Separation Anxiety
By Kimberley Clayton Blaine
Toddlers understand about people leaving before they learn about people returning. They can tell from your actions that you are about to leave. Anxiety begins to build even before you leave.
Anxiety can be contagious. The more anxious you are about leaving or about others caring for your baby, the more anxious your baby will be.
Dropping a clingy and crying toddler off at day care is one of the hardest things for a parent to do. Even nighttime fussing can be an expression of separation anxiety. Sleep is a scary separation for little ones.
Here are some ways to help you and your child adjust to times of separation
• Encourage your child to have a "lovey" -- a transitional object, like a blanket or stuffed toy that he can hold onto - Introducing a lovey early in infancy encourages attachment to soothing things. Babies love satin, so keep that in mind when choosing a lovey, the rubbing takes them back to the safety and security of the womb.
• If you know you're going to be gone for a longer than normal period, help your child work up to that separation by taking shorter breaks away from him, go to the neighbors or run an errand. Practice separations; tell your baby that you will be going to another room and that you’ll be back soon.
• If someone is coming to watch your child, have him or her come early so that all of you can spend some time together before you leave.
• Leave on a happy note. You want your baby to associate happy thoughts with your coming and going - No Sneaky away -- Even though this makes it easier for you, it won't be easier on your toddler. Let him see you leave, even if he has tears. If you continue to sneak off, he'll become even more worried that you might disappear at any given time. Say your bye-byes and then help him become involved in a fun activity that will occupy him as you leave.
• Finally, don't feel guilty about your child's teary emotions. Just know that this is a stage and you’ll both get trough it!
Kimberley Clayton Blaine is a national parenting expert and a licensed Family and Child Therapist who specializes in working with children ages newborn to six years old. Kimberley is the founder and executive producer of a grassroots webshow, called www.TheGoToMom.TV. Kimberley is a national speaker and teaches Early Childhood Brain Development and Positive Discipline Strategies at UCLA Extension Education Department.
Read Kimberley’s book, Mommy Confidence: 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation and Your Inner Diva.
Visit www.MommyConfidence.com
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Babies can show signs of separation anxiety as early as six months – but the toughest time for most babies is between 13 to 18 months. This is when your baby is becoming a toddler and is realizing that they are completely separate beings from you. The good news is separation anxiety will pass and there are ways to make it more manageable. Every time I go to brush my teeth, I usually have my toddler hanging on one of my legs, so I know what it’s like to be in the midst of this. |
Anxiety can be contagious. The more anxious you are about leaving or about others caring for your baby, the more anxious your baby will be.
Dropping a clingy and crying toddler off at day care is one of the hardest things for a parent to do. Even nighttime fussing can be an expression of separation anxiety. Sleep is a scary separation for little ones.
Here are some ways to help you and your child adjust to times of separation
• Encourage your child to have a "lovey" -- a transitional object, like a blanket or stuffed toy that he can hold onto - Introducing a lovey early in infancy encourages attachment to soothing things. Babies love satin, so keep that in mind when choosing a lovey, the rubbing takes them back to the safety and security of the womb.
• If you know you're going to be gone for a longer than normal period, help your child work up to that separation by taking shorter breaks away from him, go to the neighbors or run an errand. Practice separations; tell your baby that you will be going to another room and that you’ll be back soon.
• If someone is coming to watch your child, have him or her come early so that all of you can spend some time together before you leave.
• Leave on a happy note. You want your baby to associate happy thoughts with your coming and going - No Sneaky away -- Even though this makes it easier for you, it won't be easier on your toddler. Let him see you leave, even if he has tears. If you continue to sneak off, he'll become even more worried that you might disappear at any given time. Say your bye-byes and then help him become involved in a fun activity that will occupy him as you leave.
• Finally, don't feel guilty about your child's teary emotions. Just know that this is a stage and you’ll both get trough it!
Kimberley Clayton Blaine is a national parenting expert and a licensed Family and Child Therapist who specializes in working with children ages newborn to six years old. Kimberley is the founder and executive producer of a grassroots webshow, called www.TheGoToMom.TV. Kimberley is a national speaker and teaches Early Childhood Brain Development and Positive Discipline Strategies at UCLA Extension Education Department.
Read Kimberley’s book, Mommy Confidence: 8 Easy Steps to Reclaiming Balance, Motivation and Your Inner Diva.
Visit www.MommyConfidence.com
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