Beyond Balance: 7 New Ways to Create Lasting, Meaningful Work/Life Satisfaction

Are you dissatisfied with the way you spend your time? For most people concerned with “work/life balance” it means too much time spent on professional responsibilities and not enough time spent outside of work enjoying friends, family, personal interests, or other important events and activities. It may also mean that work has become all encompassing and there is no “other” time.

Regardless of your situation, you can create an alternative way of working and living. A way that works for you, on your terms. This report highlights 7 changes you can make in order to reframe your perceptions, redesign your actions and reclaim time and energy for yourself.

1. From Balance to Satisfaction:

OLD WAY:

The phrase “work/life balance” is everywhere! When Googled, Almost 4 million websites contain the phrase, and the media is constantly offering ways to get it!

Let’s look at Balance for a moment: a see-saw (or teeter-totter) never achieves balance; it’s constantly moving based on the energy and pressure each rider applies. A tightrope walker, although looking balanced, never stops. She’s always adjusting, working hard to look balanced, but moving her body, the pole in her hands, adjusting her weight to stay somewhat stable. It’s hard work and one slip can cause a disastrous fall. Lastly, let's look at a spinning top. Again, it looks balanced, but only when it’s moving. As it slows down, it eventually falls over and stops.

Apply any of these analogies to yourself. Balance is an illusion and not easily maintained. It takes very hard work to look balanced, you must constantly adjust and as soon as you take a breath, look another direction or slow down, you may fall over.

NEW WAY: Redefine your work/life situation. SATISFACTION is about you defining what you want for yourself: your work, your life, your way. Work/Life Satisfaction encompasses the things that matter to you now. It’s never static. It’s flexible and you get to decide what it includes. The timeframe may be for a day, a week, a month, a year or more. What you want in the mix today is likely to be very different from what you want as your life changes, as your priorities evolve, as your family develops and as opportunities and challenges arise.

Work/Life Satisfaction is a state you can work towards. You can evaluate if you are getting closer to it or further away and make new choices to adjust your path. Think of it as a journey you are moving on as opposed to a destination you must arrive and stay at. One is about struggling to get to one place and working hard to stay there; the other is about creating a path and the possibilities to get there.

OUR WAY: Write down the answer to this question: What does WORK/LIFE SATISFACTION look like to you now? Keep this vision in mind as you make choices about your preferred path.
Learn more at www.7Barriers.com.

2. From Multi-Tasking to Time-Boxing:

OLD WAY: You’re at the office and have multiple projects due this week; you’re juggling meetings, returning phone calls, creating project plans, answering emails and responding to your boss’s instant messages. It seems as if you can never get anything done and you’re always busy. Distractions and interruptions keep you from completing anything. And, when something does get done, it doesn’t feel like it’s at the quality you’d like it to be.

NEW WAY: Concentrate on one thing at a time and do that fully, well and complete it. Let phone calls go in to voicemail and respond to them when you have an appropriate break. Reply to emails a few times a day for a proscribed period of time. This prevents you from falling in to the email ‘black hole’ and never getting anything done. Arrange alternative ways to communicate with your boss, colleagues and direct reports that get their needs met without pulling you away from the work you need to get done this week. Use your calendar to schedule what you need to accomplish in manageable time frames. You are still busy, but you are more focused and more effectively in charge of your own time.

YOUR WAY: Select two activities to TIME-BOX this week. Schedule them on your calendar with a start and end time. Don’t let it be interrupted.
Learn more at www.7Barriers.com.

3. From YES to NO:

OLD WAY: You are competent and capable. People ask you to take on more work, help on a project, volunteer to chair a committee, host a party at your house. Each ‘little’ activity seems manageable at the time. And, you don’t want to let anyone down or hurt anyone’s feeling, so you say, “YES.” "Yes, I can edit the article by tomorrow," "Yes, I can stay a little later for a meeting tonight," "Yes, I can organize the school fundraiser." You don’t want to be perceived as not able to handle your responsibilities. You take on whatever is asked of you, and often you find yourself feeling resentful about it.

NEW WAY: You are still competent and capable. AND, you evaluate requests for your time and say “NO” to requests that you do not want to do, that do not use your strengths and talents to the fullest, and take you away from your main priorities and responsibilities. You pay attention when you say “YES” because you feel “I should do it” and instead you make a choice that is in line with what you want to do. You get comfortable saying “NO” in a way that respects both the person who asked and your own needs and wants.

YOUR WAY: Pay attention to when others ask requests of you. Before you automatically say “YES,” pause, evaluate and make a choice that works for you. Test this behavior shift out this week.
Learn more at www.7Barriers.com.

4. From Doing to Planning:

OLD WAY: Your day begins where you left off the previous evening. You continue crossing things off your ‘to-do’ list, starting new projects as email and phone calls come in, clearing the piles that have accumulated on your desk. You feel productive as you keep busy. Yet, you find certain work never gets done; whether it’s the strategic plan that will change the way your department operates or the closet reorganization project at home that will make life so much easier. You are a ‘doing-machine’ and yet some days it feels like you’re not getting where you want to really go.

NEW WAY: Every day begins (or each day ends, depending on your preference and energy) with scheduled planning time. Anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes put aside to decide where your time is best used to accomplish what you want for that day, and what will move you ahead on your weekly/monthly goals. Spend a few minutes looking at what you’ve done or chosen not to do the day before and decide on your top priorities for the day ahead. Define two to four items to complete during the day. You will, of course, do more. This sets your focus, energy and intention on these items so you can be more deliberate throughout the day. (This will also help you say NO (and YES) to the things that are most important to you.)

YOUR WAY: Schedule “Planning Time” in your calendar for the next five days. Use it to review what you’ve accomplished the past day and what you want to focus on in the current day based on what is important to your work and your life.
Learn more at www.7Barriers.com.

5. From Unreasonable to Reasonable:

OLD WAY: You work hard both professionally and personally. Your colleagues, supervisors, friends and family are often impressed and amazed at the amount of work you can accomplish. No one ever seems to hesitate to ask more of you as you consistently do what is needed. And, you believe you can and should be able to do more and continue to do it at the quality that you’ve done in the past. You’ll just need to wake up a bit earlier, go to bed a bit later or spend less time at the gym or reading a book. They think, "I can do more" and I think, “I can do more," while you are getting overwhelmed and exhausted. It seems as if everyone has unreasonable expectations about what you need and can do.

NEW WAY: You set reasonable expectations for yourself and for others. You no longer assume you must ‘do it all’ and be available for everything that others want from you. Communicate with others a more reasonable set of expectations on your activities - from when you’ll complete projects to how you’ll be involved in volunteer and community activities. You’ll be gentler with yourself, no longer thinking “I can’t say no,” “I must do this,” “A good mother would...” or “they can’t manage without me.”

YOUR WAY: Find one area in which an unreasonable expectation feels overwhelming, either at work or at home. Design a new way to look at this expectation. Then either communicate this change to someone else, or give yourself permission to alter your own expectation to a more manageable, gentler way.
Learn more at www.7Barriers.com.

6. From What Matters to Them to What Matters to Me:

OLD WAY: You often find yourself frustrated and dissatisfied with how you are focusing your time and energy. At work, it may be about billing more hours as opposed to doing really exceptional and meaningful work. Or, you must travel four days each week away from home when all you want is to be in your own bed each night although still willing to work long and hard hours. At home, you may be annoyed maintaining a busy social life when you’d prefer quiet evenings alone or keeping up a large house that costs more money than you’d prefer to spend, when you’d rather save in order to travel and have a secure retirement. For some reason, you are making choices based on what matters to others, not respecting your own values.

NEW WAY: Be clear about your values. You know what matters to you and make choices to reflect that. Your work ‘fits’ with what is meaningful and important to you, therefore it doesn’t feel burdensome. Your choices at home also reflect what is most important to you. No matter what you value: financial security, contributing to society, adventure, fame, leadership, wealth, health, accomplishment, success, community (this list can be endless and is based on what matters to you), when your choices reflect your values, work and life feels more centered, energized and enjoyable.

YOUR WAY: Spend some time reflecting on your values. What matters most to you in life? Come up with three or four themes, and write them down as well as what they actually mean to you. Then observe how you incorporate them in to your life and your work. Make one change this week that allows you to act in line with the values you defined.
Learn more at www.7Barriers.com.

7. From Taking Care to Self-Care:

OLD WAY: You run yourself ragged taking care of everyone and everything else. Your kids needs are always met, that is a given. Your parents, your siblings, your friends are very important to you. They all want things from you and want to spend time with you. You want to as well, and at times it seems demanding and overwhelming. And, this doesn’t even include the time and energy demands at work - from making sure your boss is always prepared with information, being available to help colleagues who need an extra hand and supporting your direct reports when they’re stuck. All of this caring for others leaves little (or most likely no) time left just for you.

NEW WAY: In the busy-ness of your very full life, take some time out for yourself before everything else. Whether it’s time at the gym, a monthly massage, a night out with friends, a weekend getaway with your partner or scheduled time alone with a book, create a small oasis for yourself to relax and rejuvenate. It doesn’t matter what it is that you ‘do,’ it’s about creating space to just ‘be’ what and how you wish. Although this may seem counterintuitive in a very full and busy life, you will feel better and be able to handle the stresses that come your way more effectively when self-care is in the mix of your life.

YOUR WAY: Over the next week, plan some type of activity (or lack of activity) that is just for you; that feels like it is taking care of a need, desire or wish just for you. Have fun thinking about a few possibilities, and pick the one that is either easiest to accomplish or will give you the most joy, happiness or relaxation. Schedule it and enjoy this week!
Learn more at www.7Barriers.com.

Moving Forward

Now that you are thinking of new ways to look at the mix of what makes up your life, you can choose what actions you wish to take.

These 7 shifts are BIG!

None of these shifts happen overnight. Take time to reflect on each of them, and then choose just one to concentrate on. Pay attention to what matters to you, define one or two small actions or changes to make and then implement. Pay attention to how you feel with the results. After you feel some positive results from one shift, try another. Continue doing what enhances your life; change what doesn’t.

If you want to explore these concepts in more detail, and learn more, consider enrolling in the Overcoming the 7 Barriers to Work/Life Balance Teleclass. And, keep your eyes open for the release of the book: Your Work, Your Life, Your Way: Overcoming the 7 Barriers to Work/Life Balance.

Learn more at www.7Barriers.com.

For any questions or comments about this special report, please email Julie Cohen at Julie@7Barriers.com. She welcomes questions, feedback and dialogue.

2009 Julie Cohen www.JulieCohenCoaching.com