“Do this, don’t do that!” Discipline across your children’s ages and stages

Lynne M. Kenney, PsyD
www.lynnekenney.com

If you are a parent of children who range in age from toddler to school-ager you, no doubt, have experienced the perennial problem of “disciplinary differences.” No, that’s not a geometry term, it’s the mystifying experience of needing to use 7 different approaches to discipline to get your kids to do as they’re asked. Mostly because they’re brains, temperaments and developmental styles are so varied. One size, you have learned, doesn’t fit all.

Some parents think of discipline as punishment. It’s not. Discipline is the setting of boundaries and limits that teach children the necessary skills to grow to be caring competent kids. Discipline needs to be age appropriate because the brain takes in, understands and executes behaviors differently at various developmental stages.

The three keys to developing age-appropriate discipline are:

1) Helping your child learn the safety limits of his behaviors. Safety is different for a toddler than it is a tween. So make sure you use your own words and actions to teach your child how to stay healthy and safe.
2) Helping your child develop the words and actions to appropriately get his needs met. At every stage we need the words, thoughts and actions to successfully interact with others. You teach your child these skills, you are your child’s first line of education in the social world.
3) Giving your child age-appropriate responsibility as he grows to enhance mastery, collaboration and buy-in. This helps your child to develop self-esteem, social skills and healthy behavioral choices.

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