Five Sure Fire Ways

By Vivian Scott

Whether you're looking for your first real job or counting the days until retirement, it makes good business sense to be aware of your actions with coworkers. As a professional workplace mediator, I’ve noticed some fairly common ways people cause problems at work that they later come to regret. Namely,

1. Starting every sentence with "Listen, You Idiot..."
Never filtering anything you say can feel good in the moment--but only to you. Instead of being tagged as the office bully, adopt an attitude that any kind of personal bashing has no place in a successful business. What goes around comes around so think before you speak.

2. Working on the premise that only your ideas count
Taking action without consulting others can start some really good fights! Likewise, doubting a co-worker's ability to contribute to your success or believing that constructive criticism is just a backdoor way for her to sabotage you can be a mistake. Even employees beneath you in the org chart have the wherewithal to come up with great solutions, so be open to a variety of ideas from a variety of sources.

3. Pitting people against each other
Sparring works well for boxers but throwing unsuspecting co-workers into the ring doesn't toughen them up; it just makes them angry when they figure out that you're the one orchestrating the tension between them. Similarly, taking a "with us or against us" attitude or making disparaging remarks about other groups may create new conflicts out of old rivalries. Rather than using competition as a way to squash others, build a new definition of success that includes others.

4. Believing that mystery is a good thing
Matchmakers claim that mystery can be intoxicating when you first meet a potential mate, but attempting to be coy at work frustrates people. Using wimpy language like "when you get to it", giving hazy instructions, or making someone else break bad news on your behalf creates problems. Use clear, concise language and remember that it's okay to disagree. Be professional enough to give people the opportunity to know what the actual issues are. It's much easier to come to resolution on real issues than it is to play 20 questions or resolve the wrong problems.

5. Never admitting you've done anything wrong
Hiding or ignoring the fact that you've mishandled a situation or slinking around as a means to garner sympathy for poor outcomes takes a lot more energy than it does to own up to an error and work to repair it. Present your error as a learning experience and others will be more apt to help you.

If you find that the above insights are coming a little too late, keep in mind that the easiest way to deflate anger with a co-worker is to listen to her perspective, come clean about your participation in the conflict, and work together to figure out how to avoid similar situations in the future. Consider her point of view (understanding her perspective doesn't mean you agree) and see if you can come up with a solution that will satisfy both of you.