Get out of Stress and into Skills with this Self-Observation Tool

School is in and some kids are pretty stressed-out.

Help your kids develop a sense of internal peace with a skills monitoring tool like this one. It's easy and fun. This takes just a few minutes a day and leads to more skillful happier families.

You may know children who hit or call names, only to blame the other children for their behavioral choices. Sometimes these children blame others in order to justify their own behavior. More often, however, they have not developed the self-awareness, planning, and impulse control to manage their behaviors effectively. This occurs particularly when they are ages four to nine. Especially when they are faced with the added task demands of heading back to school.

One step toward helping your children follow the rules is improving their ability to observe their own behaviors and the impact of their behaviors on others.

Research shows that children behave better when their view of their behavior coincides with the view others have of their behavior. As an example, seven-year-old Juliette is more likely to hold the door open for her peers at school when her peers view that behavior as one Juliette is anticipated to exhibit. If asked to rate her "door holding" behavior on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being poor and 5 being excellent) she is also more likely to rate herself as her peers would see her behavior if she knows they are also evaluating her.

You can use self and sibling ratings as a tool to help your children observe and manage their behaviors better at home. The Family Coach, My Daily Points Tool can help your children consciously monitor their behavior.

THE FAMILY COACH MY DAILY POINTS TOOL

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Begin with three rules for your family to follow for one week. Each day, focus on one of the rules. Make a sheet of paper with each person's name across the top. On the left hand side write down five times such as 7 am, 8 am, noon, 3 pm, and 5 pm depending on what time your children go to school, camp, soccer, etc. Try to choose five specific times when you are with your children so that the rating period is based on times when you are present to observe behaviors. Help your children monitor their adherence to one family rule each day by taking a moment and asking your children, "On a scale from 1 to 5, how well did you follow the family rule today?" On the scale, 1 is poorly, 2 is partially, 3 is okay, 4 is good, and 5 is great.

Let's put this tool into practice:

"This week, we will be focusing on three family rules: (1) Being an active listener, (2) complimenting one another, and (3) putting our belongings back in their homes (where they belong). Today is Monday, so we are working on 'Being an active listener'." Take the time to help your children see where they are earning points with an eye toward what behaviors they wish to improve. Be positive not critical. Compliment what they did well.

You'll be amazed at how fast your kids adopt new ways of being and how fast you feel calm and delighted by them. Have fun!