How Do You Teach Your Children Boundaries
Children need boundaries, in order to feel safe, nurtured, and loved. Whether a boundary is internal, related to our thoughts and feelings or external, related to how we manage the space in our relationships, boundaries are central to our emotional and physical development.
There are many instances of external boundary setting that are designed not only to maintain health and peace within a family, but also help children develop internal self-control, expectations in their interpersonal relationships, and the ability to self-set behavioral boundaries based on the setting, circumstances, and norms of any given setting.
A simple example is that a five-year-old may be able to still sit on his parent’s lap but he is expected to remain in his seat in kindergarten as well. Another important example is when we teach out children to “use an indoor voice” and “monitor your tone.” That external boundary might be internalized so that a child speaks quietly in public and uses a polite tone with teachers.
Boundaries are not set in stone—they are “fluid” depending on children’s development needs, ages, and family circumstances. Boundaries may change over time as needs and circumstances change.
How I teach my children about boundaries.
Example: "I started teaching my children about boundaries beginning in their high-chairs when they were asked to sign or use words indicating they were done eating before getting down."
How do you teach your children boundaries?
There are many instances of external boundary setting that are designed not only to maintain health and peace within a family, but also help children develop internal self-control, expectations in their interpersonal relationships, and the ability to self-set behavioral boundaries based on the setting, circumstances, and norms of any given setting.
A simple example is that a five-year-old may be able to still sit on his parent’s lap but he is expected to remain in his seat in kindergarten as well. Another important example is when we teach out children to “use an indoor voice” and “monitor your tone.” That external boundary might be internalized so that a child speaks quietly in public and uses a polite tone with teachers.
Boundaries are not set in stone—they are “fluid” depending on children’s development needs, ages, and family circumstances. Boundaries may change over time as needs and circumstances change.
How I teach my children about boundaries.
Example: "I started teaching my children about boundaries beginning in their high-chairs when they were asked to sign or use words indicating they were done eating before getting down."
How do you teach your children boundaries?
Comment
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Comment by Sabrina Kuratana on May 10, 2009 at 8:28am -
I taught my children manners from the very beginning. When they were in the high chair and wanted food or something, I would always ask "would you like .....?" and then after getting the grunt which meant yes, I would say "yes please". As they got older, I made it harder. "mommy I want ...." I would say no until they asked appropriately at which point I said "sure!". However, it would not (and still won't) leave my hand until they said thank you. Now at ages 4 & 5, they have the best manners and I never have to say "what do you say?"
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